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The S@#$ Agents Say
And Chapter 3 of our co-founder’s journey is . . . . .
Well, the votes are in. You all chose this over “I Found My Perfect Agent,” and honestly, I’m glad you did. Because wow… do I have material.
Chapter 4 is going to be “FSBO is a Pain in the A$$,” but before we get there, let’s talk about the stuff agents say. And I’m not talking about the glossy brochure talk — I’m talking about the eyebrow-raising, jaw-clenching, “Did they really just say that?” kind of stuff.
Why I Still Use Agents
I’ve wrestled with this question: Why do I still use agents?
I know how to screen them. I know the red flags. I know how to save serious cash — money that could either go back into my pocket or drop my asking price below the competition to move the property faster. By all logic, I should just go FSBO and call it a day.
But here’s the truth: I still gravitate toward transparent, open, ethical agents — the ones who put my interests first, no matter what. That’s my definition of the perfect agent.
The problem? Finding one feels like trying to locate a screen door salesman at a submarine convention.
The S@#$ They Say (in Just Four Days!)
What follows is a real list — all from conversations I’ve had with potential listing agents over just four days. Four. If that doesn’t make you believe consumers need a true fiduciary in their corner when choosing an agent, I don’t know what will. It’s brutal out there. (Hyperbole… but barely.)
“The standard commission is 6%. Three to the listing broker, three to the buyer broker.”
Nope. False. The real local standard is 5%.
I confirmed this with every agent except the one who told me 6%. My last Breck cabin sold for a total of 3% (1.5% / 1.5%) — thanks to Redfin and a negotiated buyer-broker comp drop from 2.5% to 1.5%.
Let’s retire “standard” while we’re at it. Commissions are negotiable, period.
“Clever agents only charge 1.5%.”
Unless they do.
One “clever” agent tried to tack on Clever’s 30% referral fee to me — making their real cost 1.8%.
That’s not clever. That’s sneaky.
At least she said use me or not, but I am 1.8% . I appreciated her candor.
“I’ll use my increased commission for marketing.”
Come on. It’s going straight into your pocket, not an ad campaign. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday. (And yes, I can see the visual.)
“Attorneys charge way more than agents.”
False again.
A local real estate attorney quoted me $1,500 total to shepherd a deal through closing —at $350 an hour.
Bonus: She only represents one side.
Meanwhile, 5% commission on a $1M deal = $50,000. You do the math.
Oh, and here’s another bonus: attorneys can actually practice law.
The Florida Listing Fiasco
This one isn’t even about selling the Breck cabin — it’s about a potential purchase in Florida.
The listing description proudly claimed:
“Boating enthusiasts will appreciate the available 13,000 lb boat lift for lease, offering direct access to the river and beyond.”
Except… that’s not true.
There might be a dock available for lease or sale. I’ve asked the listing agent multiple times to verify this, and if untrue, to change the wording.
It’s still up and no available dock for sale.
This, folks, is how misinformation spreads in real estate — through apathy.
Why I Keep Doing This
Every time I think I’ve heard it all, another agent proves me wrong. That’s why I’m documenting this entire process — not to vent (okay, maybe a little), but to help other consumers see behind the curtain.
The system won’t fix itself. But awareness? That’s the first crack in the wall.
So, yeah — I’ll keep asking the uncomfortable questions. I’ll keep challenging “standard practice.” And I’ll keep hunting for the agent who truly earns the title of fiduciary.
Because the S@#$ agents say? It’s exactly why this industry needs to evolve.
